Five Things Padres Fans Hate about the Mariners

The time is nye! It has been written that in late May 2011, visitors from the north will invade our sleepy town.

In preparation of Round 1 of the Battle for the Vedder Cup, here are 5 reasons to hate the Mariners (not really).
1) SafeCo Field an obvious rip off of Petco Park. Both have "co" at the end, both seem to suppress offense, both aesthetically pleasing. So what if SafeCo opened 5 years earlier. DON'T BOTHER ME WITH FACTS!

2) Justin Smoak. Because every time I write his name, I write "Smoke" first on accident. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SCREWY NAMES!

3) The Food. Did you know that you can get sushi and pad thai at SafeCo. That sounds delicious. WAIT. I MEANT, THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE. WHAT AM I SAYING? (that actually does sound good though)

4) Ichiro. What kind of fan base idolizes a singles hitter? (Oh wait...)

5) Two words: Rally. Fries.

And a bonus: Because I hated having to read "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" in school. And it has the word Mariner in it.